woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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