she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
