my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
