'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
