i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
