the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
