Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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