just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
