I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
