Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize