Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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