I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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