I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You pole danced in your parka.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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