sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize