After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
