So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
