in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
