Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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