I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
