Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
