Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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