im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
