I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
