I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize