Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
