haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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