She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
