Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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