why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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