those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
