so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
