Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
