If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize