Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
