If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize