he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
