guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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