If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
