I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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