There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
