The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
