it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
