They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
