Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
