I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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