i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
