Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
