I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
