this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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