Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
