I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
