i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize