Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
