Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
