sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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