did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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