all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize