I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
