It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize