dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
