i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Still dying that you shit outside
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
