Pappa wants mamma naked
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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