I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
