That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
