Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
