Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are two peas in an std pod
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
