Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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