Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
