I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
