I cockslap morals
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
