I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
