actually, I'm a sock model
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize