You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
