I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
