Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
