Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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