I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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