i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
