You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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