so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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