I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
