Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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