I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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