FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
