I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
