Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
