my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Even my vagina gasped.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
