What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize