If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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