I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
