my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
