I want to stick my p in your. b.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Four minutes until I can fart!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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