I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
