We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
