how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
