shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
