OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
